Alright, it looks as if I can't stop your interest. So could you hurry it up please?

I'm so fucking confused.... so I hang out with a Ian for like the first time in three weeks and we end saying shit to hurt each other and are both pissed off after like a few minutes and of course he's driving and being reckless. Who the fuck asks if you ready to go to heaven while going double the speed limit? I just I'm so mad at him he infuriates me sometimes.... he doesn't understand me at all some times and last night was one of those. I can't believe he can't understand completely but be so dead wrong at the same time. And to top it all off Tony hates him even more b/c I was bitching a little about reckless driving. I hate how I'm standing there trying to find a way to have steady friendships with two people that hate each other and I'm beginning to wonder if I get to close to one of them will I lose the other and is that what happened when I started talking to tony? And where does tony get off accusing me of joining the dark side because I hung out with Ian?

erase

If I could erase you from my life...I would in the single beat of a heart.....thats how much I can't stand you...but if only you knew who you were....

till then


How do you react the reading this and knowing full well that the person wrote it about you?

So today was Day One, I vote it went well. I can't wait to finish training so I can finally make a little bit of money. Until then though my trainer(s) are awesome and Applebee's looks like it's going to be a lot of fun!

Tomorrows Agenda:
Take Mom to the airport (she'll be gone for 10 days)
Go to my first English 102 class,
Go to my first Comp Sci Class,
Take a check to the bank for mommy dearest,
Take my check to main campus to pay for the above mentioned classes,
Go to work,
Do Laundry,
Find food,
Sleep so I can get up for classes and work the following day!

Anyone want to trade lives for tomorrow?

My training schedule:

Tues: 11am

Wed. 5:30pm

Thurs: 11am

Friday: 11am

Sat: 11 am

Working for real

Sunday 4:30pm!!!!

So.... let's see... Summer is starting and I finally found a job. I'm now a server at Apple bee's at least for the duration of the summer. I start training on Tuesday and my life will be restricted to when I'm working like everyone else's.

I feel bad right now. I finally told Dennis that we need to slow down. I've told him repeatedly that I'm not going to be having a boyfriend in the near future because I'm just not ready yet. I want time I mean Matt was a huge part of my life and it's going to take a lot time to really deal with the fact that that part of my life is gone.... forever. Coming to terms with that is important for my sake. I just want to feel whole and once that's happened I can start "talking" to a guy and maybe thinking of dating eventually but right now I need to let myself let go.

Well I know I haven't updated this in a while.... let's see what's happened....

I started moving out of my dorm

My phone stopped taking it's charge

Matt and I broke up (that's as of Wed. and the first time we spoke in like a month)

.... there's this guy that likes me

I move home in 2 days...

And that;s just the stuff I'm willing to say.... I have a lot to catch up on and no more classes to study for....

"Think Twice"~Eve 6

When all is said and done
And dead does he love you
The way that I do
Breathing in lightning
Tonight's for fighting
I feel the hurt so physical

Think twice before you touch my girl
Come around I'll let you feel the burn
Think twice before you touch my girl
Come around come around no more
Think twice before you touch my girl
Come around I'll let you feel the burn
Think twice before you touch my girl
Come around no more

She spreads her love
She burns me up
I can't let go
I can't get out
I've said enough
Enough by now
I can't let go
I can't get out

Wait till the day you finally see
I've been here waiting patiently
Crossing my fingers and my t's
She cried on my shoulder begging please

Think twice before you touch my girl
Come around I'll let you feel the burn
Think twice before you touch my girl
Come around come around no more
Think twice before you touch my girl
Come around I'll let you feel the burn
Think twice before you touch my girl
Come around no more

She spreads her love
She burns me up
I can't let go
I can't get out
I've said enough
Enough by now
I can't let go
I can't get out

What is it you really want
I'm tired of asking
You're gone I'm wasted

When I showed up and he was there
I tried my best to grin and bear
And took the stairs but didn't stop at the street
And as we speak I'm going down

Cause she spread her love
And burnt me up
I can't let go
I can't get out
I've said enough
Enough by now
I can't let go
I can't get out

Think twice before you touch my girl
Come around I'll let you feel the burn
Think twice before you touch my girl
Come around come around no more
Think twice before you touch my girl
Come around I'll let you feel the burn
Think twice before you touch my girl
Come around no more

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So Spring Break starts the 8th at USC and I'm going to have nothing to do. Well the first weekend I'll be at Matt's but after that I'll be in G'ville the whole time bored out of my mind. Plus since I haven't been able to find a job closer to campus I'll be applying to work CD again. In some ways it's a great place to work but I really wish I could have found a better job with a more solid schedule and reliable pay. Especially since I'll have to work every weekend there and I really like being able to drive up and see Matt. I've even thought of getting a job up here around his apartment if my mother wouldn't object. But either way I really need to get a job because I need some sort of income, all my savings from senior year have finally been depleted.

Matt's parents are coming to visit him for a week in April, I'm really nervous. Next weekend when I'm up here I have to take everything out of his apartment that is mine or ours. They are staying for a week.... so I wont be able to talk to him that entire time. I'm so .... I don't know I'm dreading it. I've never gone that long without talking to him... I don't know how I'm going to do it.

I talked to Sam tonight, first time in a long time. I'm really happy for him, he's finally getting his life back together since his wife's death. I mean he's given up his massive alcoholism, started paying off his credit card debt, and found a girl he can start trying that 'almost dating' thing with.

"For You"

To my mother, to my father,
It's your son or it's your daughter,
Are my screams loud enough for you to hear me?
Should I turn this up for you?

I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you said
The silence gets us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere way too fast!

The silence is what kills me
I need someone here to help me
But you don't know how to listen
And let me make my decisions

I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you said
The silence gets us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere way to fast!

All your insults and your curses make
me feel like I'm not a person
And I feel like I am nothing but
you made me so do something
'Cause I'm fucked up because you are
Need attention, attention you couldn't give

I sit here locked inside my head
Remembering everything you said
The silence get us nowhere!
Gets us nowhere way to fast

Ok, I really didn't enjoy my first football game.... I mean it's a LOT of people I lost the people I was with and it's really really LOUD!!!! I don't know if I'll want to go to a game again. The pre-game tailgating isn't bad but the game itself sucked.

Hey everyone!!! My first day of class was ok, my loft made me sick last night so I felt like everything was spining this morning. So I just went to class in my pjs... I think y univ 101 teacher was pissed because I brought coffee to her class. It helped though. After that class at 8am I had Math 141 (lab) from 930 til 1020 so it was a pretty good day. I wont be done until 215 tomorrow which sucks... luckly my last class is across the street from my dorm room. I already have to buy more shit for class though. I have to get another book for Univ 101 and maple for math (since I'm going to be taking a LOT of math). I hope there's nothing else I'm going to have to buy after classes tomorrow.

Today was my mother's bday. I took her flowers to her work... very cheap.

I also went to the mall and got pillows for college!! hehe my grandmother took me and bought me some essencials... I love how that translates into bras and underwear. I like how that works. I really hate buying stuff for college because I keep feeling like I'm going to keep getting ready and never get to finally go.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Heather has left lots of white space on the all four borders of the paper. Heather fills up just the center area of the page. If this is true, then Heather has a particular shyness toward people and a fear of moving too fast in any direction. In some cultures, respecting people, rules, and adhering to protocol are ways of life. The right side of the page represents the future and the left side represents the past. Heather seems a bit stuck in the middle, afraid to take action. Heather seems to have a fear of looking bad or of crossing boundries. It will be easy to work with Heather on a team, because Heather will usually follow the rules. However, this desire to respect the boundries can often be construed as a lack of confidence and people will walk over Heather if she is not careful.


Heather has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.


Heather has a temper. She uses this as a defense mechanism when she doesn't understand how to handle a situation. Temper is a hostile trait used to protect the ego. Temper can be a negative personality trait in the eyes of those around her.


Heather is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.


Heather is capable of seeing far into the future. She plans two, three, even ten years in advance. Heather has high goals and can literally see them being reached. She is very self-confident and has a high self-esteem. Heather will reach whatever level of success she desires. Heather has the self-concept that is possessed by less than two percent of the population. That two percent contains the most successful people in the world. When a person has a high self-esteem, she frees herself to achieve an unlimited world of success. Heather has achieved this frame of mind. Congratulations. She has the self-confidence to take great risk, thus reaping the rewards. If she does fail, it doesn't break her confidence. She knows she can do it! In retrospect of our research, this trait is one of the most desirable to possess, because it releases the writer to achieve her full potential. We recommend everyone raise their self-esteem to this level.


In reference to Heather's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Heather slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project. She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Heather can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.


Heather is talkative. She enjoys talking and socializing. She may talk when there is absolutely nothing important to say. She enjoys speaking.


When Heather expresses an opinion on a issue she will stick to that opinion, and probably will not change her mind. In other words... Heather is stubborn. When she is wrong about something that she has decided upon, she will have trouble admitting she is wrong. Changing Heather's mind can be very difficult. Once Heather makes up her mind, she doesn't want to be confused with the facts!


Heather is moderately outgoing. Her emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, she can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. She has the ability to put herself into the other person's shoes. Heather will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes she will be happy, the next day she might be sad. She has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because she is in between. Psychology calls Heather an ambivert. She understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, she will not tolerate anyone that is too "far out." She doesn't sway too far one way or the other. When convincing her to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to her. She puts herself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet she will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. Heather is an expressive person. She outwardly shows her emotions. She may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story. Heather is a "middle-of-the-roader," politically as well as logically. She weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when she finally has to. She basically doesn't relate to any far out ideas and usually won't go to the extreme on any issue.


People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Heather doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.


Heather can be defiant. She sometimes has the attitude that if someone doesn't like it the way she is doing it, then they can just "go to hell!" This trait may reveal itself in a rebellious nature that is always ready to resist forces which she thinks are infringing upon her freedom of action.


According to the inputted data, Heather has a stinger shape inside the oval of her a, d, or c. This might be hard to visualize, but if this little hooklike shape is present, then Heather has an unresolved "issue" with strong members of the opposite gender. An occasional appearance of this stroke could indicate a simple "loves a mental challenge" which can manifest in playful linguistic conversations and being attracted to a lover who isn't always available. However, if the stroke is severe, this means the individual has unresolved anger at the oppostive gender - which usually started with the person's childhood relationship with the opposite gender parent (Mom or Dad). If the writer is a woman she will be attracted to strong challenging men. If the writer is a man, he will find the woman who is "hard to get" the most attractive. In a nutshell, people with stingers in their writing tend to have challenges in their romantic relationships. For more information about this "stinger" trait, visit this webpage: http://www.myhandwriting.com/analyze/hlltrt5.html. Remember, it is only negative if the traits occurs often and is quite pronounced. An occasional stinger can be no problem.

Well orientation friday went pretty well. I got so much information overload. I've registared for classes and it's all crazy.

Will and I broke up today.... it was harder than hell but something we needed to do. We will still hang out and be friends but no more relationship....

I'm driving down to Columbia tomorrow night b/c I have orientation Friday morning.... I hope everything goes well. I'll be getting my schedule and have a chance to get more fimilar with the campus.

I'm sooo bored!! I've been applying to jobs everywhere but noone's hiring. I'll put some more applications in on Sunday I guess...

Today was the last day of high school...
It's the last day I will ever have a school dress code.
It's the last day I will ever have an assigned lunch schedule.
It's the last day I will ever have a subsitute teacher when my real teacher is sick.
It's the last day I will ever have a tardy slip to get into class late.
It's the last year I will ever go on a field trip.
It's the last year I will live at home.
It's the last year I will go to the same class for 9 months of the year.
It's the last year I wont get a full course sylubus.
It's the last year I will have all my classes in relatively the same building.
It's the last year a mommy's note can get me out of class.
It's the last year I wont have to pay for.....
good bye senior year.